First Impressions and Secondary Expectations

A quick word on titles.

I've been thinking about doing this for a while. But I'm a late arrival to this game. And many of the best site names are already taken. So I decided to go esoteric. Phrases like 'Ouroboros Culture' or 'Anhedoniacs Anonymous' came to mind. Maybe a 'Heaven/Hell' religio joke? The possibilities were endless. But it all seemed so unrelated to the main purpose; to fill empty space with the pencil shavings off the top of my brain (i.e. write about stuff that only I care about and rip apart stuff that other people care about).

Then the Tintin movie was released. And my brain exploded with a euphoric snifter of nostalgia, remembering how much I loved those comics as a kid. The globe-trotting adventures, the drunken comic-relief, and especially, the gleefully ignorant casual racism (see: Tintin in the Congo, The Blue Lotus, etc). No ethnic-stereotype stone was left unturned, from big-nosed Jewish bankers to big-red-lipped Black natives/henchmen to the big-teeth-small-eyes evil Japanese opium dealers...great fun was had by all.

But the best by far was the Arabs. In the land of Tintin, where there were deserts, there were camels, and where there were camels, there were Arabs (well, technically Muslims, but it's never stated specifically). Bearded and belligerent, their heads wrapped up in black or white scarves, they were perfect faceless one-dimensional stereotypes. And when they cursed in anger, they said things like "Lying infidel dogs!" or "Son of a mangy dog!" or, most often (and my personal favorite), "By the beard of the prophet!" (Herge really liked his facial-hair-centric exclamations - see also "By the whiskers of Kurvi-Tasch!")

So I figured...I have a beard. I can accurately predict the future, no different than all the other pundits and prophets out there. Why can’t I call it that? And so it was. 

But I don't want people to get the wrong impression. Despite the blog title, I'm not a religious Muslim. I'm actually an atheist Jew (which is the farthest you can get from 'religious Muslim'). Nobody I've spoken to so far, seems to like the title as much as I do but it's funny and it's memorable, so I'm keeping it.

I told a friend of mine about my decision. Naturally, he was concerned for my safety. 

"The Muslims won't like that." 

"Fuck 'em," I replied cheerily.

"Could you call it, 'By the Beard of a Prophet?'" 

"No. That's not as funny."

"But what if they come after you and try to kill you?" he pleaded. “The Muslims have no sense of humor. That's why they're called Muslims." (if you don't get that joke, you're probably a Muslim)

"Fuck 'em," I reiterated, "They don't know where I live." 

So...yeah, that starts us off on a nice note. Embracing ethnic stereotypes, pissing off the Muslims, a general disregard for all things politically correct...yup. It's all uphill from here...